Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Leaving

My room is a complete mess. Clothing, electrical items, knick knacks and paperwork are all in a jumble, further disturbing my already spinning mind. What more do I need to pack? Have I forgotten anything important? I’m trying to fit everything into two suitcases, which might sound like a generous allowance…but then, this is me we’re talking about. Me, packing for four years away. I can’t believe this is happening already. I’m leaving.

The first couple of months in England, all I wanted to do was go back to America or South East Asia; I dreamed of going to university and marked the weeks on the calendar, telling myself I didn’t have long to go. But then things just got better and better, I stopped counting down the days, and began to feel at last that this was home. Even when things were tough with my job situation, and my Mum said wistfully, “I hope you don’t feel that this has been a wasted year,” I could honestly reply, “No, it hasn’t!” Not least because of a bunch of amazing people that I never would have met if I hadn’t come here!

Now the time to leave has finally arrived, but instead of bouncing with joy and raving to get out of here, as I once envisioned, my emotions are bitter sweet. I am super excited to be going to Southern. I can’t wait to see old friends and make new ones. I’m anticipating new experiences and adventures. But I’m nervous too:  Things are going to be so different. I’ve been out of formal education for a few years now, and I’m a little anxious that it might be a bumpy transition back in. The American culture is different, even if we do speak the same language (well, kind of. Numerous people have commented on the irony of me going to the US to study English.). I have to think seriously about my future and take adult responsibilities. After at last becoming contented here, change is suddenly looming on the horizon. All change, even when it’s something good, is uncomfortable at first, so I guess I’m nervous about that too.

And I’m going to miss everyone in England! I almost wish I could split myself in two (no, make that 5 or 6!) so that I could be with all the people I love around the world at once!
"All changes are more or less tinged with melancholy, for what we are leaving behind is part of ourselves." - Amelia Barr
"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Well, let's see what God has around the corner for me. Judging by the pattern of my previous experience, it's going to be quite a ride! 
 
 

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